Servings: 6ish

2 cups uncooked rice, jasmine only, bitch! 2 cups uncooked rice, jasmine only, bitch!
* I think 2 cups uncooked Jasmine rice yeilds 5-6 cups cooked if you're using day-old rice. note: I think 2 cups uncooked Jasmine rice yeilds 5 to 6 cups cooked if you're using day-old rice.
Spam, cut into cubes (maybe 1/4th inch cubes, up to you) Spam, cut into cubes (maybe ¼th inch cubes, up to you)
1 can of Peas & Carrots 1 can of Peas & Carrots
* You really can use whatever you want or whatever you have in your pantry. Frozen is better than cans though but really use whatever you want. I'll explain in the notes on how to customize, but for this recipe I use P&C. Needs about 1 - 1.5 cups of vegetables. note: You really can use whatever you want or whatever you have in your pantry. Frozen is better than cans though but really use whatever you want. I'll explain in the notes on how to customize, but for this recipe I use P&C. Needs about 1 to 1.5 cups of vegetables.
2 Eggs, beaten 2 Eggs, beaten
MSG, 2 teaspoons MSG, 2 teaspoons
Canola oil, 1 tablespoon Canola oil, 1 tablespoon
Garlic, minced, 1 tablespoon Garlic, minced, 1 tablespoon
Soy sauce, 1-3 tablespoons (to taste) Soy sauce, 1 to 3 tablespoons (to taste)
Fish sauce, 1-3 tablespoons (to taste) Fish sauce, 1 to 3 tablespoons (to taste)
Sugar, 1-3 tablespoons (to taste) Sugar, 1 to 3 tablespoons (to taste)
2 Green onions, separate the white and green (we using both!), 2 Green onions, separate the white and green (we using both!),
* Cut thinly at an angle or into strips if you wanna be fancy note: Cut thinly at an angle or into strips if you wanna be fancy
Optional stuff if you wanna dress it up: subheading: Optional stuff if you wanna dress it up:
Sesame oil Sesame oil
Sriracha Sriracha
Kewpie mayo Kewpie mayo

Start cooking your 2 cups of rice before anything else so the timing is correct. It needs to be finished before the step of course. You better have rinsed it! If you're using day-old rice, break up the chunks.
Have your ingredients prepared and near you because you gotta work fast with a higher heat. We stir frying, baby! Always keep it moving.
Heat up your wok or big pan, could probably do it in the dutch oven. Medium/high. You're going to need the size to toss and stir things up. Add in your canola oil
Once oil is hot, throw in the Spam to start frying it up. Stir occasionally. I like to get a nice color on it slightly crispy. Not too crisped out.
We're going to start moving quick! Throw in the WHITE Green onion slices and garlic. Keep it moving!
Once fragrant (about 20 to 30 seconds), move the Spam and things to the edges to make space over the hottest spot of the wok. Hurry! Don't burn the fucking garlic!!!!
Pour the eggs into this empty area. Once it starts getting solid, break it up and scramble it.
OMG now throw in the canned vegetables and stir fry to combine.
Alright now drop in the rice and stir fry to combine! If you're using day-old rice rather than fresh rice you might need to turn up the heat because the wok will get colder from the cold ass rice. If you're using fresh rice, you should be gucci. If the cold rice is sticking, add a little bit more oil. You want the heat to evaporate a lot of the moisture! If it's mushy, that means your rice is too wet and needs to cook a little longer.
HURRY! Season it up with the MSG, and 1 tablespoon each of SFS (soy sauce, fish sauce, and sugar). Stir fry to combine. Now taste it! Add more variations of SFS as you desire. Make it yours! Be careful of over salting because you can always do it later.
If you have sesame oil this is when you would put it in and stir. Go easy because you can really mess it up with too much sesame oil.
Take off the heat. Bam you're done.
Serve in a bowl. Garnish with the green parts of the green onion. If you want it spicy, do a little fancy chef zig zag of the Sriracha. Oh baby - if you want it creamy, do a zig zag of that Kewpie.

Other vegetables you can include are diced up onions, bean sprouts, green beans, etc. If it's fresh you'll need to cook it longer, so do it the step before the garlic is tossed in. It's all about timing!  Other vegetables you can include are diced up onions, bean sprouts, green beans, etc. If it's fresh you'll need to cook it longer, so do it the step before the garlic is tossed in. It's all about timing!
You don't have to use soy sauce or fish sauce. You can use oyster sauce, XO sauce, etc. Or just only soy sauce. Or just only fish sauce. Etc  You don't have to use soy sauce or fish sauce. You can use oyster sauce, XO sauce, etc. Or just only soy sauce. Or just only fish sauce. Etc
You don't have to use sugar either, honey is great!  You don't have to use sugar either, honey is great!
You can throw in chili oil near the end if you want.  You can throw in chili oil near the end if you want.
You can swap the spam for some leftover steak, rotisserie chicken, tofu, shrimp, chinese sauce, etccccc....just adjust oil accordingly because Spam adds a lot of much needed oil to the dish.  You can swap the spam for some leftover steak, rotisserie chicken, tofu, shrimp, chinese sauce, etccccc....just adjust oil accordingly because Spam adds a lot of much needed oil to the dish.
It's all configurable to your desires! Experiment! Lemme try your version! ^_^  It's all configurable to your desires! Experiment! Lemme try your version! ^_^