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gregrumble

subheading: Donuts:

¾ cup warm milk

¼ cup granulated sugar

1 packet active dry yeast

2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour

¼ tsp. kosher salt

2 Tbs. unsalted butter, at room temperature

2 egg yolks

Vegetable Oil

subheading: Filling:

¾ stick of unsalted butter (room temp)

1 ½ cups powdered sugar

1 ½ tablespoons heavy cream

2 tablespoons bourbon (I ended up adding another tablespoon, if you want it more bourbon-y, go for it)

subheading: Glaze:

1 cup powdered sugar

2 tablespoons strongly brewed coffee or espresso

First, warm up the milk and sugar in a small pot over medium heat until it reaches about 110 degrees. Make sure you stir the sugar the whole time it’s heating, that way it’ll dissolve instead of forming clumpy piles of sugar garbage.

Take the milk off heat, stir in the yeast until it dissolves, then let it foam up for 10 minutes. If you don’t see the foam; you fucked up. Do it again, or get a new batch of yeast.

Whisk together the flour and salt in your stand mixer bowl. Make a well in the center and add the egg yolks, yeasty stuff, and butter.

If you’re lucky enough to have a stand mixer, put on the dough hook and mix it on medium for about 4 minutes. If you’re not…guess you’re gonna be kneading for a while. Either way, you want to mix until it forms a ball, then cover the top with plastic wrap and put it in a warm place to rise for an hour.

Once the dough’s had a chance to rise, put it on a floured flat surface and roll it out to about 3/8 of an inch thick. Use your preferred cookie cutter to cut them into circles, and don’t cut out the holes in the middle. Yes, I know you’re used to downing entire crates of donut holes on the way to your cubicle hell-hole in the morning, but we’re filling these with cream, so you’re gonna have to make do.

Put the soon-to-be-doughnuts on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, spray the tops of the doughnuts with non-stick spray, then cover with plastic wrap and stick in a warm place for another 30 minutes.

The dough should be doubled by now (key word: should). Once it is, pour enough vegetable oil in a large pot for the doughnuts to float in it. Heat it to 350 degrees, then fry the doughnuts for about a minute on each side, until they’re golden brown.

Let the doughnuts cool on a wire rack (and put some paper towels underneath so you don’t go medieval on your kitchen counter with that boiling hot oil). When they’re completely cool, start in on the cream and glaze.

To make the filling, cream the butter in a stand mixer at medium speed for 2 to 3 minutes, then mix in the powdered sugar on low until it’s combined.

Next, add the cream and bourbon and mix on high for 3 minutes. Like I said up there, if you like bourbon (as every living, breathing human being should), give the filling a taste and add more if you want. Or just put it in a glass and drink it; I don’t give a shit.

The glaze is easy: just stir together the coffee and powdered sugar in a small bowl until it magically becomes glaze. You want it to just barely be thin enough to still drip off of your fork, so just add more coffee if it’s too thick, and more sugar if it’s too thin, until you get the right consistency.

Next, with as little sexual innuendo as you can manage, use a pastry bag to fill the insides of the doughnuts with the cream filling. Make sure you watch the doughnuts while you do it: if they start to crack, that’s when you wanna stop pushing the cream in there.

Cover the doughnuts in glaze, check to make sure the kitchen’s empty, then lick it off your fingers like the disgusting human being I am you are.

After that, all that’s left is to let the glaze set, and then pop a few in your mouth with a cup of coffee.

Thanks, everyone. And as always, I love feedback, so if you think this recipe's good, bad, garbage, if you think I'm garbage...lemme know.

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